Goals for 2013

I usually sit around struggling to set goals for the following year ... mainly because I am afraid of failing.  Afraid of not accomplishing the goals I set.  Afraid of announcing to the world the goals I dream of accomplishing because they'll point and laugh when I don't get there. 

I am not afraid of any of that this time.  I have goals and I know I will accomplish them. 

Get healthy:   In the beginning of September, I changed my eating habits and starting losing weight.  I started out at 257 ... yes ... isn't THAT an ugly number?  It was pretty horrifying when I stepped on that scale.  Today I am at 224.  Still scary, but 33 lbs. lighter than a few months ago, and I weigh less now that I have in many years.  I can tell by which clothes fit and which ones don't.  I can see parts of my body I haven't seen in a while.  The weight has been coming off at a rate of about 10 lbs. a month, and I'm not killing myself to get there.  I'd be very happy with losing another 50 lbs., and thrilled to giggles if I lost 75.   I have a larger frame, so anything less than 150 lbs. and I look like I'm on drugs.  I would love to be able to shop in a normal clothing store instead of Lane Bryant or other fat lady store.  I'd love to buy a bra that costs less than $35 because of the level of support I need for these honkers.  I'd love to be able to buy a size "large" shirt, instead of a XXL, which I have been in for many many years.  Non stretch jeans at D&B.

And it will happen.  Because I am going to make it happen. 

And I promised myself that once I am down to a weight I am happy with, I am going to spend the money and have my teeth done.  Maybe.  I don't know what my options are for my teeth right now, but at the very least, I will find out, and maybe come up with a plan from there.  I have neglected them for many years, and I have nightmares of all my teeth falling out.  And they will if I don't do something about it.

Because I'm not using any gimmicks or anything to lose the weight, and just stopped drinking soda, stopping eating bread and pasta and beans and carbs and processed foods and sugars, sweets, snacks, etc., and I drink tons of water ... my skin feels awesome, my nails are much nicer (even my toenails), and my body functions normally.  Amazing the domino effect.

Learn to ride:  I am having a blast on Kahlua, but I don't have a clue what I'm doing.  I need to learn to sit better, learn how to communicate with her, and eventually, I'd like to feel comfortable putting a leverage bit in her mouth, knowing that my hands are light enough.  I also want to see what she's like without a bit.  And ride her bareback.  I think she's had a bad experience with someone riding her bareback because it's obvious she's doesn't like it.  I want to change that.  We have built a good relationship this year, but I want it to be better than good.  There are still areas that I have not explored, still areas where I don't trust her completely (but am learning to) and areas where she doesn't quite trust me yet.  It takes time, and I'm not forcing anything.  She's a great horse, and she's perfect for me to learn with.  She challenges me right where I need it, she makes me step up to the plate and work through whatever fear I've got, and it's really rewarding when I do. 

Scan the photos:  My father is gone.  My mother is gone.  My brother is gone.  I have a stack of boxes of family photos sitting in my room, the scanner on my desk, and it all just sits here because it's very difficult to get through.  By December of next year, it will be done, copies put on to jump drives and mailed out to the remaining interested family members.  Of all the goals I am setting, this is going to be ... by far ... the most difficult one.  I miss my mom and dad ... but my brother is an open wound.  Still.  And probably always will be. 

Off to work,
J