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Saturday, March 6, 2010

"I'm not here to preach to you."

I was cleaning out my truck, unloading the 50 lb. bags of pellets, when a car pulled in y driveway, with two pretty official looking gentlemen in the front and a smartly dressed older woman in the back. I stop and wait to see who they are and what they want.

The woman exits the back seat and approaches, and says, "I'm glad we caught you at home. My name is (I forgot) and I'm not here to preach to you or change your religion or anything. I just wanted to share a few things with you." And she proceeds to start to preach to me.

Ok ... are you KIDDING me??? You're not here to preach to me, really? Then WHY ARE YOU HERE????

I live in the middle of just about nowhere. It's not like they just happened to be walking by and stopped to chat. They drove out to my house, all the way up my driveway, and up to my front entrance area to preach to me about shit I don't believe in. Now, do you see me going to her house and telling them god doesn't exist? Do you see me hunting them down to tell them that they should be a good person without the threat of going to hell? Do you see me handing out literature saying, "Sorry to burst your bubble, but when you die, you're dead. Syanara (or however the hell you spell that!). The end. Katupo. Finit. That'll do." When I told her how I felt, she thought it was the most ridiculous thing, and said, "Well, I don't want to disrespect your feelings, or insult you in any way. So let me just read you some scripture." I said, "Written by who?" And she went on to tell me something about god and Adam and Eve. I said, "Oh Eve ... the one whose family history consists of Adam's rib? That one?" She smiled, and said, "Yes."

And she didn't want to insult ME??? Hahahahahahahahahahahaahhaha! Ha. And ha.

Reason #2 to put a gate at the end of my driveway.



  1. I've probably said this before, but who says religion includes a fear of being damned to hell. I believe in a God in heaven who forgives but I don't believe in hell. To me religion is not about being a good person because you should or shouldn't be, it is a gift to have a relationship with God that allows me to be accepting and forgiving because that is what I receive. :) So there. See you soon!

  2. P.S. I baptised your pig when you weren't looking. I knew you were going to slaughter it without religion!!

  3. GOOD FOR YOU! *laughing and nodding my head in sympathy*. Great big gates are Good!

  4. LMAO @ Colleen baptising my pig. Do I call him Father Bacon now?

  5. HA! Father Bacon!!! :) Gates are good----I wish I had some!

  6. No, Brother Bacon. I didn't ordain him silly, just saved his soul is all. Did he ever do anything wrong...except bite his master... whom may or may not have deserved it. :) There is only one who can sit in judgement. Oh, and I know where you live and have a key! Ha hahaha ha ha. (evil laugh) Prepare to be SAVED! (scary music)

  7. Ok ... I'm not so sure what you're all in a huff about. The appointment Brother Bacon has in May is to take him out of his earthly vehicle and send him to where the heavenly ham really wants him to be ...

    Any idea how much a spiral slicer is?

    Hotdogs! Hotdogs! Anyone want a hotdog!?!?!