Depression is a beast. Yeah, I'm putting it out there. Hell, I talk about every other thing in my life on the internet, might was well delve into this.
Having a tough day (that's putting it lightly). The loss of my brother is as raw as the day it happened. The economy and being jobless is starting to weigh on me. The stress of it all is flat wearing me out.
I can't wait for spring to hit so I can get some warm sunshine on my face again. The grass is staring to green. And my house is a mess. I figured I'd better start cleaning the inside of my house, so that when it starts getting really nice out, I won't feel guilty for spending all the time out there with the animals. A room in my house I haven't done anything with since I moved in is my bedroom. The amount of dog hair was starting to make me gag. Damn dogs. The piles of old paperwork that I am clutching to for no reason was starting to become a fire hazard. Time to move forward.
Little by little.
So I threw out a bunch of shoes, got rid of a bunch of old clothes, threw out a ton of paperwork and left a pile to be organized, vacuumed up all the dust and dog hair, got the pictures out of my closet and actually cleaned them and hung them on the walls like I'd been meaning to for the last two years, and it feels better already in here.
Heck, you've seen the rest of my house ... here's my boring bedroom. Yes, like the rest of my life, my bedroom is black and white, by choice. I love black curtains. They keep the light out of the room so you can sleep during the day. I still don't have closet doors or anything to cover the cubbies with. Haven't figured out what I'm doing there yet, as the person who built this house made everything to custom size since he was a contractor, yet the people who lived in it after him completely trashed the place and, therefore, the closets have no doors, and to buy them would cost me a fortune. I'll figure something out eventually.
To the left of the foot of the bed is the giant mound of family photos I've been going through and scanning, a little at a time. The photo hanging on the wall on the left is my mother's wedding photo. The next two photos are two pieces of artwork done by an American Indian friend of my mothers. The larger wolf photo was given to me by my awesome sister. And the Ansel Adams ... is just one of my favorites. Peaceful. Serene.
(Oh, and the layer of black ick on my bedspread ... that's Echo's spot ... and she's kindly blowing her coat for some reason right now. I'm sick of wiping it off, so I left it there.)
And I love my little Reeses box on the nightstand. That was given to me by my very cool neighbor!
I guess the nesting is my reaction to the depression, I don't know.
Something needs to happen.
Maybe I need to make something happen.